You are all the colours... all the precious metals gleeming in the light of the overwhelming sun. You are the birth o jazz; total unyeilding inspiration. Sometimes when I look in your eyes too hard I feel as though I may break. Sometimes I worry that I will not be able to love you well enough... I wonder if I will ever be able to match the velocity of your presence. Sometimes i feel like the needs to be nothing else but your hand against me.

I told myself I would never fall in love. While I was trying to find new places to hide bloody underwear when I was a kid I tried to rationlize how people who loved each other had sex together. Sitting for years in an alcohol and drug induced haze i tried to understand why my friends had relationsips when they could just fuck and forget. I believed that all the romantic ideas and marriage vows were created souly for made-for-tv-movies. I thought that there was nothing another person could ever give me that i could not give myself. I thought a lot...
And then I met you, with your witty slick smile and gleeming grey eyes. You with the silk laden touch and the voice of a thousand angels whispering softly. You walked into my world and gently took my hand. You have been careful and kind; considerate and shy. You have told me in no uncertain terms that I am not alone; that I am not an alien. You told me it wasn't my fault. You made me believe that I didn't deserve the things that had been done to me, and you said you were angry to know that I had been to that point; that I had been that low.

to be comtinued...

Remeber my rambingly thoughts in the movie theater the other night? I tried so hard to get them tonight, but it was like trying to grab air. There are so many things that I want you to know. But words seem to be a slow commodity at this point. It is like trying to explain the look in the eyes of a lovers stare. I have had dreams of eternity spent with you, and I have seen me sittign in a dark hole missing you. I know that a flower can only survive so long without rain, and I know the tenacity of that rat that treads water for thirty six hours to try and survive. But, I have never really known love before, and the survival rate of that creature in our world today makes me a bit worried sometimes that one day I will be sitting alone staring at your picture and wondering who is holding you. But then I look at you and I and I see things that I have never before believed in. Words like FATE and DESTINY come slamming through me when I think of you. I always had this plan... this well thought out idea of what I wanted to be. Quite simply I have always been a loner and was planning on staying that way. But now i can't see myself walking a street without you. I find myself now thinking of a life that is not just for me