June 19th, 2001
Today is long, boring, and gruelly. It was about 850 degrees out today. It felt like wading in a pool of hlaf clotted blood. I will admit my productivity was slacking today. MAybe it was the fact that I saw my mother? Seeing her and her half-assed complacent life reminds me of another person I wasted far too much time on and somehow drains my energy. I could use the old exscuse of the weather, but when I was here where I could work I was in my dungeon room and it was about 60 degrees. I have always hated summer. Life always seems to suck in the summer. This year is a little different, since I have met the LAdy Synn. I think this is the first summer in years I have not been completely alone. Don't get me wrong I am not bitching about before. My solitude has almost always been self-imposed. In the very distant past I used to do the same old same old... I blamed everyone else for me being alone, and I played the angry-young-agnst-ridden-boy thing to the hilt. I decided I was a freak; A weirdo and I had no control over other people and what they thought. Then as I got older I never changed mentally but something happened; BE it my looks, or my job that made people want to hang with me and be around me, and I found myself completely repulsed. There were a couple of really cool people spakled into those years. But for the largest part of the last eleven years of my life there have not been many. Where exactly am I going with this? I have no clue. Maybe I have just been thanking myself for knowing myself so well that I am prepared enought to deal with having now met what could be the woman I have been writing about for years now. Maybe I am preparing myself to be alone more in the future? Maybe I should just shut up and publish todays crap.

June 18th, 2001
You know I hope that I am putting the right dates on these journal enteries. I believe I am but my mind being warped with visions of rotting bodies engraved on flesh I can never be quite certain. Oh what a segway into my day! Basically I have been sitting at my drawing table since ten o'clock this morning working on my first set of tattoo flash. I have always intended to do a set because everything else out there is either so amazing or so horrible I have wanted to throw my two cents into the hat and see what happens. I tried in 1998 to do a set but the copies were horrible, or the art was, and I was deeply unhappy with it. I sold one set to a friend then threw the rest away feeling horrible about what I had produced. Now thinga are going so much better! Two pages were completed today and the results are something I am very happy with thus far. I have always noticed when people do tattoo flash they fall into this world of one type of thing on each page. You know a page of hearts, panthers, flowers or what not. So I have been making every page eclectic; putting large stuff with small pieces, dragons with hearts, gearhead shit with teddy bears, and so on. I figure this way if someone wants to hang it they have to hang it all. Now everyone appluad my evil genuis (how do you spell that anyway?) I have work to do.

June 17th, 2001
I got back from going a short way North for a few days and hanging out with Lady Synn for the first time. The trip was wonderful even if my days were spent alone in a bare walled Motel Six room while she worked. But the time we did get to spend together was grand. I don't think I have ever been so relaxed with anyone, and I haven't smiled as much as I did then in a lot of years. Did a tattoo of a black widow that came out pretty damn cool. Looking foreward now to her visiting this week. Time seems to slow when she is around. But for once in my life it is not the misery of the slow eternal night alone. It is the slow warm time when one touch simply isn't enough